Raising Little Men

I grew up loving the story of Little Women.  I still remember falling in love with the four March sisters reading the novel in bed far beyond the hours I was supposed to be awake with a flashlight in hand hiding under my sheets so hopefully my parents would not notice that I was not sleeping.  I loved their sisterly bonds and their great adventures.  I would find ways to relate to each one of the sisters; Meg with being the calm, caring leader of the group; Jo with her zest for life and yearning for independence; Beth with her introspection and thoughtfulness, and Amy with her animated sometimes whinny youngest child ways. 

Because of my love of this story I grew up dreaming to have four daughters of my own, just like in the Little Women.  Instead, so far God has blessed me with four little men, and although one of them I will never hold in my arms, he will forever be a part of our family history.  This week I was able to re-visit the story of Little Women by seeing the musical at our community theater with my own mother and sister.  Re-examining this story during a much different place in my own life made me relate to a character who I never did before; Marmee (the mother). 

 

Watching the story with my focus on Marmee was eye opening to me.  One constant in the story of Little Women is not only the love that each of the girls have for their sisters but also for their mother.  I found myself thinking, what did Marmee do as a mother that allowed her to have and continue such important and individualized relationships with each one of her children?  How was she her children's constant for strength, inspiration, love and comfort?  What did she do that I could gain insight from as I am following my own vocation of motherhood?

 

1.  Giving importance to the Gifts of Childhood:  Marmee's girls spent hours in the attic writing, reading, putting on plays, dressing up and spending time together.  They spent years of their childhood playing the piano, ice skating, spending time outside and enjoying each others company.  Sure, times are different now, but I think that there is something important to gain by providing time and space to let our children be children.  The relationships and bonds that childhood creates through play is priceless, and the years go by ever too quickly.

 

2.  Appreciating and Cultivating Individuality:  Marmee spent time to get to know each one of her children individually and she allowed them to develop in their individual talents and skills separate from each other and from her.  She defiantly had basic expectations for moral standards and character development with how they would treat each other that she taught in her parenting.  Yet, beyond those basic expectations she would listen to each of them, what their thoughts and dreams were, and then stand behind them instead of trying to fit them all in the same box. 

 

3.  Putting Marriage First:  Marmee's girls where deeply important to her, but when her husband was ill she did not question the need to put him first and leave her girls at home when she tended to him.  She showed her children on numerous occasions through her words and actions how important her love was for her husband was.   She respects him and speaks highly of him to her children.

 

4.  Not Controlling Sibling Bonds:  Marmee did not interfere between her children, but instead calmly guided their relationships.  When Amy threw Jo's story into the fire because Jo was able to go to the ball and she was not, Marmee did not lose her temper or get between her daughters.  She spoke to Amy of what she did wrong, she comforted Jo in the loss of her hard work with her story, and then she let them be.  It took Jo and Amy weeks to find forgiveness and mend their relationship, but what a gift it was that she allowed them to find their way back together on their own. 

 

5.  Modeling Character Skills:  Marmee was quiet and soft spoken and instead of lecturing she was found to teach more by action.  She more often would model behavior of how to respond during different situations in life.  She was honest with her children about their financial struggles, about what was going on in the war, about her own flaws.  She was loving, genuine, caring and she made her daughter want to follow in her footsteps.

 

6.  Guiding with Motivation and Support :  After Beth died and Jo did not think that she could go on, it was Marmee that helped give her perspective to use her pain and grief and put it to work within her passion of writing. 



This part of the story is sung by Marmee in the song "Days of Plenty" in the musical of Little Women.  Tears were streaming down my face as I thought of the loss of our dear Samuel, and moving through the grief of not being able to hold him and kiss him, but finding meaning in God's plan.  I know that I need to take my pain and grief and find goodness and purpose.  In thinking of Marmee, it also made me very aware of how I hope and pray to be able to be an important person to help guide and motivate my children toward seeing and trusting God's plan in life.

 

Days of Plenty

I never dreamed of this sorrow,
I never thought I'd have reason to lament,
I hoped I'd never know heartbreak,
How I wish I could change the way things went!
I wanted nothing but goodness,
I wanted reason to prevail,
Not this bare emptiness.
I wanted Days of Plenty.

But I refused to feel tragic,
I am aching for more than pain and grief.
There has got to be meaning,
Most of all when a life has been so brief.
I have got to learn something,
How can I give her any less?
I want life to go on.

I want Days of Plenty

You have to Believe,
There is reason for Hope.
You have to Believe
That the answers will come.
You can't let this defeat you.
I won't less this defeat you.
You must fight to keep her there,
Within you!

So Believe that she matters!
And Believe that she always will!
She will always be with you!
She'll be part of the days you've yet to feel!
She will live in your bounty!
She will live as you carry on your life!

So carry on,
Full of Hope,
She'll be there,

For all your Days of Plenty

Thank you God for my Little Men, and for the gifts that I have been given in my vocation as a wife and mother.  May I continue to learn and grow, gaining from the experiences in my own life while also patiently guiding and being present to our family with love.  I am so blessed by our Little Men.

What can you gain from the character of Marmee?  Do you have a character from a favorite book or story that has inspired you in your life?