Today I took our four children, ages 6 and under to mass by myself. We sat in the front row, and we made it through the entire service. I do not say this to brag or have you pat me on the back. I say it because it has taken 6 years to get to this point, and I too was at a place for a long time where I never saw this day coming. I would read all of the Catholic Mommy Blogs and hear about how they made it work to take their children to Mass and would think "That's great, but that does not work for our family!" Yet, I would pick up tips, and encouragement, and so that is what I try to give to you today. Let me give you some background of our family so that you can see how we got to where we are today, and what totally did not work, and some things that did!
Six years ago we had one baby, and taking him to mass seemed like the hardest thing to do in the world. We would pack the diaper bag with diapers, a change of clothes, Cheerios, a sippy cup of milk, fruit snacks, a little car, some religious books and still feel like we could never make it past the opening prayer! Seriously, as new parents it seemed overwhelming and crazy! When our second son was born our oldest was 22 months old and we went from having Mass be overwhelming to simply seeming impossible. We were the family that our 2 year old literally flew a metal toy plane into our baby's head at Christmas Mass. Yes, stop and imagine the shrills and screaming, oh and also the blood! It was all there! Now, why in the world we were the parents who allowed our 2 year old to bring that metal plane to church? I have no idea! Lesson learned!
When our third son was born we now had a newborn, a 19 month old and a 3 1/2 year old. We had just moved to a new city and my husband was completing a medical fellowship which took up most every hour of his days/weeks, and so often I needed to go to mass with all three kids in tote by myself. I found a wonderful parish that we loved and thankfully for our family at time they had a cry room. Yet, let me explain this cry room to you so you can get the full picture. It was an old beautiful church and they had a room in the basement that had cement walls and a carpet pad on the floor that they would wire the sound of the Mass through speakers. I would sit there in the basement with my three little ones around my feet and listen to the Mass. We would walk upstairs for me to receive communion and then back downstairs we would go until Mass ended. It was not perfect, but it allowed me to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, and that was the most important thing to me.
We moved back to our hometown when we had a 4 1/2 year old, 3 year old and 1 year old and joined a new parish. This parish had Sunday School where you could drop children off ages 3-6 years old during Mass and after our past experiences we signed up our two oldest children. For the first time ever my husband and I felt we could sit at Mass with our 1 year old and sit together and enjoy Mass! This option was working for our family at that time, but both my husband and I knew in our hearts that it was not what we wanted for our family.
We had started homeschooling and our Catholic faith had started to become a much more important part of our daily lives. We were living our faith out at home, but then during the most important part of the week at Mass we were not including or teaching our children. We knew we needed to make a change.
Enter Daddy Boot Camp!
We decided it would be best to divide and conquer and it was the best thing for OUR family. My husband started taking our two oldest children (at that time 5 and 3 years old) and sat in the front row with them at Mass. He would explain when to kneel and stand, remind them to sit quietly through the readings, and quietly answer questions. During this time I would sit on the other side of church in the back and out of sight with our 2 year old. Although this seems really silly, and it kind of was it was one of the most important parts for our family. Our big kids not being able to see me forced them to pay attention to what their Dad was telling them and what was going on at Mass.
Once our two oldest children were doing well, we switched and my husband took our 2 year old in the front row with him. By this time, our fourth child was born so I sat with our infant and two oldest children. Our two year old was and still is the most wiggly at church naturally, but my husband appropriately taught him to calm down and sit as quietly as possible.
Finally, about a month ago we made the plunge. We started sitting all together as a family in the front row! I know everyone says it, and I did totally think it was crazy, but the front row is KEY! Our children only have the altar in front of them to look at instead of everyone else and they can really see what is going on. Thankfully our infant can typically remain sleeping in his car seat right now (and I know that will probably change soon), so I usually hold our 2 year old. Our now 4 and 6 year olds can sit throughout Mass and properly participate. I know that a lot of the reason is their age, now being older, but it has also taken time for us to teach them.
The other biggest part of all of this to me is my own confidence as a parent. I am more confident now that I can discipline my children when need be, by a single look most of the time. I am more consistent with my parenting and discipline at home, which helps out of the home as well. I no longer even bring a diaper bag into mass most days! Our children, even the little ones have learned that they can go an hour without something to eat, drink or keep them occupied! I also have learned to not care as much what other people think. Are our children perfect at Mass? No way, but I focus on our family and what is going on at Mass instead of worrying about what looks I might be getting around me. Surprisingly, since we started sitting as a family in the front row we have received more comments than ever about how well our children are behaved (even when we think it wasn't great!)
So, overall I would say to not feel bad when your family does what you need to do to go to Mass. It really does not matter if it is bringing snacks and books, having your children going to Sunday School, going to the cry room, or muddling through your children in the pews. God loves that you are there and that you are trying! Also, do not give up! Use the ebb and flow of your children's development to learn skills about sitting through and appreciating Mass. Oh, and Donuts! Donuts always work!
