I know God's intended order in my life: to love and give to God, to love and give to my spouse, to love and give to my children and family, and to love and give to my community. Yet, being a mom of young children sometimes makes actually FOLLOWING this order very difficult. I love my husband, I mean I really love my husband, but the fact is I know too many days that go by when I hadn't been the wife God intended me to be that day. Being a stay at home mom and a homeschooling mom, naturally I spend a lot of time with my children, but I want to and need to remind myself that makes it even more important to take the time to sneak in those moments to make my husband know and feel how important he is to me and our family.
Our kids usually start waking up around 5:30am, and because of my husband's random work schedule working as an Emergency Room physician I get up with the kids in the morning. I have gotten in a pretty good habit of taking some time when I wake up for prayer and reflection and the kids either join me in some prayers or take some quiet time of their own. Then the days go by so fast between going to mass, homeschooling, making meals, housework, play dates with friends, activities for the kids or at church, baths and bedtime and then it starts over again! But did you see where in that day was time special time with my husband? Thankfully we are past the 80+ hour work weeks of medical residency and fellowship, but my husband's schedule is still pretty hectic and I know he has so many responsibilities that pull him in many different directions. We have gotten a lot better at scheduling weekly dates either at home or going out which greatly helps. We live only one mile away from my parents and have found a great babysitter just down the street who the kids love, so that makes it so much easier as well.
Sure, my husband and I show each other love through the day to day grind of life and our parenting, by sending text messages that we are thinking of each other, giving each other a smile when the kids do something cute, nice greetings with warm hugs when he gets home from work, but it's still a lot different that life before kids! But, I'm so happy to say that we are making a change and FINALLY going on a real grown up vacation - without kids! We have not gone anywhere alone together since before our third son was born in June, 2013. That's 522 nights, 522 days of the daily grind with 3 children without really good quality time just as a married couple! I am so excited!
I am so excited!!! So why do I also feel so sad? Why is it so hard, yet so exciting to leave our children? I am so thrilled with the possibility of sleeping in past 5:30am, but I am so sad about missing out on the special morning hugs from my kids. I am so excited about having time to have multiple meals where we can have all adult conversation without teaching proper table manners or interruptions, but I am sad because I know there will be funny table conversation that I miss. I am thrilled to have the chance to go to Sunday mass and actually be able to hear the entire mass and homily without kids pulling for my attention, but I know I will still miss those tugs! Why does God make us as mothers love our children so much that it is so hard to leave?
I still don't have the answers, but I do know that it is so good for me to be taking time away from our kids and to give quality time to my husband. I know that leaving for a while will actually make me a better mom. I know that it is good for our kids to see their Mommy and Daddy loving each other and making quality time for each other. I know that it is so important for me to have time to be refreshed and feel reconnected in our marriage. So, please pray for me this week! Pray that I can trust in God's order and truly put my marriage ahead of our children. Pray that I can offer up my worry and sadness about leaving our children to God and have a great time! We have some really fun things planned including going to St Frances Xavier Cabrini's shrine, who's feast day is today so if there are any prayers or intention of yours I can bring with me please share!
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