What Ever Happened to Teaching Our Children How to Lose?

Our oldest son finished his first season of sports and he had a blast learning how to play soccer!  We as parents had great fun and many chuckles watching 4 and 5 year olds run across the field (usually in the wrong direction), kicking the ball all over and falling on top of each other.  Sometimes, even amongst all of that, some of them even got a goal!  All joking aside, it was a lot of fun and we are so glad that our son was able to start learning about great topics like team work, cooperation, listening and learning from coaches and having fun with friends.  Although all of those lessons are fantastic there was one thing though that seemed to be missing all season that kind of had me scratching my head.  No one ever lost!  EVER!

To give you a little background about our son, he is a lover of all sports.  He also has a fantastic memory and can tell you the detailed information of some of his favorite games; what the scores were and who won and who lost.  "Mom, the Green Bay Packers beat the Dallas Cowboys on January 11th 26-21".  "Did you know Minnesota Wild lost to the Blackhawks on May 3rd 1-4?"  He watches games and always is keeping track of the score, and also learning what each point means and how it is earned with each sport.  He understood when his favorite teams lost, and of course was disappointed, but always had a great response of "Well, they did their best" or "They will try again next time!"  When he was getting ready to start soccer he asked me how they were going to keep score and if they would have a marker on the side line.  I told him I was not sure.  I didn't know how they kept score, but what ended up happening surprised me.

So, he started his season and did a great job cheering on his little team mates and friends.  Each score that his team made he added a point in his head.  Each time his opponents would score he would add those points up as well.  At the end of each game he would tell me what the final score was and who won and who lost (sometimes his team won and sometimes they lost).  Yet, at the end of every game the coaches ALWAYS told all of the children that they TIED!  EVERY SINGLE GAME!

At the end of the season each child was congratulated for their hard work with a gold medal and they went on their way.  "Mom, my medal says I'm #1" our son exclaimed.  "But Mom, I didn't get any goals this season?  How can I be number 1?"  Even at 5, he knew that people lose and people win and that that is part of a game.  We talked about how even if he did not physically score a goal himself this season that he helped his team mates work toward different goals that they made when he was out on the field.  But then we also talked about that it is ok and good to win AND to lose and more importantly how to process our emotions with either result.  It is great to be able to cheer and feel excitement in a win, and it that it feels that much better when you have been working really hard for and deserve it.  We also discussed that it is ok to feel disappointed and bummed out when you lose, but then you can use that feeling to excel yourself to practice before the next game and try harder! 

Since when were we so afraid of our children failing that we fail to teach them how to lose?  I want each of my children to learn the important lessons of team work, cooperation, and the skill of the game, but I also want them to learn how to win and lose!  Of course as a parent I will cheer on each success and win, but I also want the opportunities to be there to console and talk through a loss.  Let's not be so afraid to let our children fall and let them fail.  Let's take the time to learn how to teach our children to lose.