Pregnancy After Miscarriage

Each pregnancy is such a blessing, and I am truly aware of that fact especially after a miscarriage.  It is such a miracle to realize that God has chosen to entrust our family again with another life.  Yet, it is definitely an emotional rollercoaster!  In sorting though many feelings and taking a lot of time for communication the three big points that my husband and I took away from after our miscarriage were the following:

1.  Life is precious
2.  Practicing NFP is saying that we are open to life and also open to death
3.  We know that we would love more children in our family through natural birth or adoption

We waited until my cycle came back after experiencing our miscarriage and then decided that we were open to life and trusting in God's plan.  Well, God's plan included adding another little soul into our family, as we got pregnant again that very next month.  With all of my other four pregnancies I would take a pregnancy test days before my missed period because I had definite symptoms and "knew" I was pregnant.  This time around I was days passed when my cycle would typically return and I justified that my cycle must just be "off" after the miscarriage.  I finally decided to take a pregnancy test to simply prove to myself that I was not pregnant.  Well, to my surprise it came back "POSITIVE!"  Immediately there was a huge wave of emotions from excited, thankful, scared, worried and feeling blessed. 

With all of my other pregnancies, even with the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage I had a lot of definite pregnancy symptoms including morning sickness.  This time around...NOTHING.  I did not even feel pregnant.  The only thing re-assuring me was my missed cycle and a positive pregnancy test.  I actually found myself praying for morning sickness, just to have a physical re-assurance that everything was going the way it was supposed to.

Although my doctors cannot pinpoint if my Hashimoto's Disease had anything to do with my miscarriage, I knew that I wanted to make sure I was doing everything to best protect this newest little one.  I have learned a lot about Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's Disease since I was diagnosed last fall and since our miscarriage, especially about how Hashimoto's and pregnancy do not mix well!  The positive thyroid antibodies and increased levels of TSH increase risk of miscarriage significantly.  So right when we found out I was pregnant I went in the next day for a blood draw to assess a Hashimoto's thyroid panel.  They want your Thyroid antibodies to be as low as possible (mine were through the roof) and for your TSH to be under 2.5mIU/L during your first trimester (mine was 3.2mIU/L).  They increased my thyroid medicine and within a week my TSH was down to 2.2mlU/L and all of my other labs were also under control.  This was a big relief, but still I was at a higher risk for miscarriage.

I was so excited about this new little baby, but when I went to have my first ultrasound at 6 1/2 weeks gestation I was still pretty convinced that it was very likely that I would have another miscarriage.  I poured my heart and thoughts into my prayer journal for God to give me the strength to trust in His plan.  I was shocked to see our baby's little heart beating immediately when we started the ultrasound.  It felt almost like an out of body experience that this little baby was alive inside of me, even though I had experienced that 3 times before!  My doctor explained that with the baby growing properly and the heart beating that my risk of miscarriage went from about 50% chance to 5%. 

Our First Glimpse of Our Newest Little One at 6 weeks

Our oldest son has had a really hard time with the miscarriage and losing a sibling so we decided it was best to wait a while before we tell our children and family that we were pregnant.  He had been praying for God to send us another baby and was so excited when we told him on Easter morning that God sent us another baby.  Yet then later that day we later found him on our stairs crying.  I asked him what was wrong and he said "Is this baby going to die too Mom?"  I said "I hope not Buddy!"  He replied, "Well, if it does at least we know it will be with Samuel in Heaven."  Oh my heart.

It is hard to have such positive and negative thoughts and feelings revolving around a baby whom we already love so much.  One day I was thinking, "Oh, the baby is due the week before Thanksgiving, we should have the baptism the weekend after Thanksgiving because we know we will have family in town!"  Yet, then immediately I tell myself I should not let myself get that far ahead of where we are today.  Today, I feel blessed, and I am going to let that feeling stay around for now.

We have officially passed the gestation with this pregnancy that the miscarriage occurred with Samuel.  That is exciting and re-assuring, yet still brings back a lot of feelings of sadness and grief.  Through all of this, I know that God has a plan for our family and I am going to try my hardest to trust in that.  The loss of our baby has brought us closer to God and given us an extra push to appreciate each person in our family and every moment together.  I cannot wait for the day to hopefully hold this sweet baby in my arms and also for the day someday when I am able to be with our sweet Samuel in Heaven.

Our Newest Miracle at the end of the First Trimester growing and kicking!

Psalm 127:3 "Children too are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward."