Beauty in the Silence

My husband and I went on another date night this week and it was one that I was really excited for!   When we were on our trip in New York City earlier this fall, taking a well needed break away from our kids to give a little time to our marriage, I got an e-mail that Steven Curtis Chapman was coming to our hometown for a Christmas concert.  I love Stephen Curtis Chapman and really most all Christian/Religious music.  During my teen years listening to Stephen Curtis Chapman, Michael W. Smith, Point of Grace, etc would help give me words to express my faith, joy and praise.  But do you ever have those moments when you think you want something, until you have it, and then you realize that it is not what you want?

I have really been growing in my faith in the past few years.  Once we started having children and I quickly realized that God put the responsibility to teach our children about the Catholic Church in my husband's and my hands.  I learned that I wanted to know more about the Church and grow in my own personal faith to be able to better teach it to our children.  We started homeschooling with Seton and by simply teaching their pre-school curriculum and implementing liturgical living in our home we have seen our entire family grow in our faith.

I have been taking time to read fantastic books this Advent, pray, journal and reflect on this Advent season longing and preparing for Christmas.  We have gone to great talks and have been trying to focus more on the Advent Saints and fun Advent activities, including listening to Advent music.  I've been listening to Marian Grace and Advent at Ephesus and truly trying to let myself long for Jesus.  My song that I play on repeat is "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus" by Marian Grace and think of the lyrics often "Come, thou long expected Jesus, born to set the people free.  From our fears and sin release us, let us find our rest in thee".  Yes, Jesus, you are long expected during this season of Advent!

So then we went to the Steven Curtis Chapman and Brandon Heath Christmas concert.  First, let me tell you that I think that they have an amazing gift and I truly appreciate artists who use their lives to praise and glorify God.  The concert was held in a Baptist church in town and I am grateful for them to host the concert.  My husband and I sat in this church and I looked around.  I was sitting in a church, but I did not see Jesus anywhere.  There was no cross, no holy water, no stain glassed windows of Jesus or saints, no altar and no tabernacle.  We were sitting in an auditorium, that was a church, without even one simple cross.  The concert was loud with praise as everyone sang "Joy to the World" and I could not help but think "WAIT, we are still in Advent, longing for Jesus!"  Brandon Heath came out to sing his songs called "The Day After Thanksgiving" and "Momma Wouldn't Lie to Me" talking about waiting for Christmas until the day after thanksgiving (not until Christmas) and Santa Clause.  I tried to close my eyes and pray "God, what do you want of me, how can I say yes to you tonight, right now?" 

Intermission came and my husband could tell I was deep in thought.  He asked me what I was thinking about and I started pouring out to him "I'm not sure what it is, but I do not feel like this is where I am supposed to be right now".  He asked if I wanted to leave, but that sounded silly since we paid for these tickets and we were there seeing an artist who I have always enjoyed and respected.  I continued to try to explain how it was so loud, that it felt so premature to be celebrating Christmas in song, and although people around us were raising their hands in praise, that this just was not what my soul needed to prepare for Christmas.

Now, don't get me wrong, I already have a Christmas tree lit in my home and sure a few carols have been played, but overall I find myself waiting and longing more for Jesus.  Also, it was a wonderful concert and it is not that I think anything is wrong with listening to Christmas music, it just was not what I was looking for in our evening all of a sudden.  In this moment my wonderful husband said "Well sometimes I think we can best experience Jesus in the silence!" 

So, right then and there, we got up, headed out, and drove across the street to the Boystown Chapel.  We walked in and immediately I was surrounded by the beauty of the Catholic church.  Gleaming down the aisle was the bright gold tabernacle, with the beautiful red candle lit, there was Jesus! 

Boystown Dowd Chapel

We knelt down in the pew together, in the silence, and prayed.  It was glorious!  I thanked God for giving me this experience with my husband.  I thanked him for teaching us communication so that we could support and understand each other in order to maybe do the unexpected in return to understand what God is really asking of us tonight.  He is asking for us to come to him and to be present in him.  I know that God is present in different peoples lives in different ways, and I am so thankful that God is able to reach so many people because of that. 

Yet, tonight, I was so thankful for Jesus creating the Catholic Church.  I told my husband "God is here, not always in the song, but in SUBSTANCE, in the Eucharist!"  As it says in A Eucharistic Christmas, which I am reading this Advent, "Through the gift of the Eucharist, we receive the very person of Jesus Christ, and in so doing become a chalice of his life".  God please let me be a chalice of Jesus's life.  Please let me carry his truth and love within me and pour it out to those around me.  As I looked at the manger with shepherds and animals beneath the altar I truly longed for the birth of Jesus, to complete the manger scene and to come into my heart.  In that quietness of the Church, we sat, held hands, prayed and God was there. As for me, I choose to still wait in the silence for Christmas, and to long for my Savior.